i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
