Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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