You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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