ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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