there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
