the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why do cheetos always look like penises
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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