well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
