Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
