Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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