dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
