His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
