you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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