Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
