miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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