I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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