her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
