i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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