Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
