I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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