A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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