If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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