just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
