I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
