why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
