No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
