It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
