I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
