I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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