dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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