I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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