all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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