ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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