it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
