My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
