I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think people are normalizing furries
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
