12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
