In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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