So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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