absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
