I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
