I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
