If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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