Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
