You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
