Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
