is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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