I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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