I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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