the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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