Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
