I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
