so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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