You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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