you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
cat food counts as protein by the way
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
