Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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