As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
