I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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