The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize