if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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