I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
