he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
