just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
