Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
