awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
