As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
